Listen, I didn’t grow up thinking I would be selling strangers on the internet anonymous pranks and practical jokes.  Never in my mind’s eye did I believe I would be spending my evenings with another dude packaging penises for pranks. When I was a pre-pubescent, acne-addled, bowl cut sportin’ child, I certainly didn’t envision myself trying to convince chocolatiers to supply me with chocolate dongs so I could anonymously prank people around the country for profit.  It just wasn’t in the cards for me when I looked to the future.  I thought I was going to be famous.  Make an impact on the world somehow.  Maybe play music in front of thousands.  Maybe write a novel.  Heck, I was going to amount to something other than a pile of hot garbage left behind the bar on a Saturday night.

Of course, as I tripped through puberty with overactive sweat glands and into adulthood, it became stunningly clear I was not meant to change the world.  Try as I might, I was and am, incredibly average at most things.  I hold down a solid sales career, not because it was my calling, but because I am woefully unqualified for a career in any real specialized field.   I went to Art School, so outside of being able to sketch a morbidly obese middle aged man with a knack for public nudity and a low balance bank account in under five minutes, I have no real skills gleaned from my tenure at the prestigious public university I attended for four…nay four and a half years.  To be honest, until two years ago when we started this whole thing, my life was looking like it was going to be a 24 hour loop of eat, work, commute, masturbate, sleep.  Enter, anonymous pranks.  Enter Dick at Your Door.

I sell anonymous pranks because there are millions of people just like me shuffling from one place to another around the world.  Each one of those people has had a boss they hate or gas station attendant that wouldn’t let them take two pennies out of the “take a penny” jar (99 cents clanking around in your pocket all day)  They all have a friend that needs a good laugh.  Some have girlfriends or boyfriends they love, god bless them.  They all have someone that could use what I’m selling.

I sell anonymous pranks and practical jokes because Donald Trump is the president, up is down, the sea quenches my thirst and this is the reality we live in now.  Every time I see an order pop up, I know someone is going to get a sweet satisfaction in a matter of days and that makes me laugh. 

This is a feel good blog post, because I don’t feel good.  It’s just a guy sitting on his couch in his underwear with his cat next to him writing about chocolate dicks.  What a time to be alive.

 

chocolate dick prank 

Leave a Reply

Add a comment