In the sad olden days—in like 2014 when your older sister got married—cock options in the bachelorette party supplies marketplace were limited. It was a wasteland, a world of cock redundancy. Every bachelorette party was the same, a parade of women chortling while dick straws clanked around in their cocktails. Dick straws had the game on lock. But the game has thickened—sorry, dick straws. Bridesmaids gathering bachelorette party supplies are now inundated by cock options, but you can’t invite every cock to the party. Selecting the right cock gifts can be overwhelming. Luckily, we’re here to help with a list of cock must-haves for all the bridesmaids out there looking to put on the perfect bachelorette party.

Dick At Your Door

Studies have shown (they haven’t) that 95% of brides enjoy the following: cocks, chocolate and gifts in the mail. So before the party kicks off, send your girl a delicious chocolate dick in the mail from Dick At Your Door. When she opens the elegant packaging and finds that chocolate dick staring back at her, she’ll know she’s truly loved.

While this new universe of cock gag gifts is ever expanding, your girl’s actual cock world is about to be reduced to one. So why not remind her by unfurling a Same Penis Forever banner at her bachelorette party? That way she won’t be able to forget that when it comes to cocks, she’s down to one (unless, you know, some modifications are made to the marriage).

As that pre-party gets underway, why not get to work on some cock art with a Just Cocks Coloring Book? With 25 pages of cocks, each member of your bachelorette party can color a cock and come away from the party with a cock keepsake—each page is designed for easy removal and framing; these cocks are forever.

Captain Pecker, The Party Wrecker is six feet of inflatable party cock. That’s a tremendous amount of cock. Blown to capacity, fully engorged (and this might take a minute) this cock is no joke (actually, it’s totally a joke). Take him barhopping or let him chill in the pool, just don’t stick him with anything sharp.

Don’t think we’re opposed to cock garnishment for cocktails. You gotta keep those drinks cold, ladies, so why not dunk a frozen dick (or dicks) in that drink, bachelorettes? Get a Penis Ice Tray, get those molds in the freezer, and enjoy those drinks on the cock rocks.

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