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The perfect gag gift is lurking out there for every woman in your life. With Valentine’s Day lurking around the corner, we thought it would be prudent to give you idiots a leg up on the competition if you’re trying to be a funny guy.

The key is connecting that special lady to that special gag. Does she like cock jokes, boob jokes, wine, cooking? Socks? She does? Okay, great, because we have some outstanding recommendations, a Dick At Your Door curated list of the best gag gifts for her.

1). Dill Dough Stress Reliever Putty

It’s so wonderfully malleable – a pickle cock joke and a dildo joke rolled into one pliable gag that serves two main purposes: stress reduction and the opportunity for users to say things like,

“I need to take the edge off, do you mind if I work that dill dough a while?….You seem stressed, wanna borrow my dill dough?”

It smells like dill, too – just a really nice added bonus.

Chocolate Dick Prank Gag Gift Mail
Chocolate penis gag gift for her

2). Dick at Your Door

“There’s a dick at your door, it’s thick and waiting for you.” Three’s Company theme song remix anyone? Anyone?

Well, moving on, it’s pretty obvious that no best-of gag gift list would be complete without a plug for an anonymous mail-order chocolate dong from

Because there’s no safer assumption than this: Your friend is a full-on choco-whore.

We know this because we’re all – each and every one of us – choco-whores (that’s lover of chocolate, to be clear). So really gag her with a chocolate, mail-order dick at her door.

3). “If You Can Read This Bring Me Chocolate” Luxury Cotton Novelty Socks

Let your girlfriend kick her feet up and tell mother fuckers what she wants with some messaging socks. Because if she’s kicking back, she obviously need snacks, and she doesn’t want to have to actually verbalize that request.

So let your friend’s lazy ass, kicked up feet make that demand for her:

“If you can read this,” says the right foot, “bring me chocolate,” says the left.

It’s like an airplane banner, but on a much smaller scale and way fucking lazier. Best case scenario, of course, is that whoever’s reading her sock message brings her a chocolate dick from


 4). 50 Ways to Eat Cock: Healthy Chicken Recipes with Balls!

50 Ways to Eat Cock is the perfect cookbook for that special lady friend who appreciates nutrition as much as a good dick joke.

Of course, each recipe is cock-full of cock jokes (do you see what we did there?), but author Adrienne Hew, who says she’s not only a Certified Nutritionist but “one of the healthiest people I know” is committed to serving up healthy recipes with heaping helpings of cock puns.



5). The Wine Rack

It’s almost impossible to overstate the quality of this gag gift.

It’s a sports bra camel back that boosts bust size. Well, it’s just a temporary boost, you know, until your friend chugs all 25 ounces of whatever beverage she fills it with (is there any chance it won’t be wine?).

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