We love pranks. But there are fun pranks, and then there are flat-out asshole moves.
We don’t condone assholery.
If you struggle with the distinction, we’re here to shine some light. Before we get into asshole-free anonymous pranks ideas you can order online today, let’s review what flat-out asshole moves look like.
Pure, gaping asshole:
“Hey man, is there a hidden camera in your bedroom? Because someone just Tweeted a 25-hour long video of every time you’ve jacked off since the start of the year. Psyche!”
“Hey Hawaii, here comes a nuke—gotcha!” (Listen, we know that was an accident—some guy was trying to clock out or something and accidentally hit the nuke alert button—but these crazy times have taught us that we can say whatever the fuck we want.)
You get it now, right? So let’s get on with a list of truly solid, asshole-free (well, almost asshole free) pranks you can order online today.
Picture the look on your friend’s face when he gets a gift box in the mail and opens it up to find….nothing. Just an empty fucking box, containing only a metaphor for his pointless, shit existence. Hooray!
How much do you hate greeting cards that play songs when you open them? You hate them so much, right? Well, imagine how you’d feel if that card wouldn’t shut the fuck up for like three hours. That’s you get from
They have a lovely assortment of offerings, but we’re especially big fans of the one with a big ol’ middle finger on the front and audio that spews a delightful series of insults: “You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, giant twerp, scumbag, fuckface….”
Before we get into this one, we’ll admit that it isn’t entirely asshole free. But it’s still funny.
All you need to know about IPoopYou.com is right there in their tagline: “Professional poop delivery service for that special someone.” They anonymously ship feces to your friends (or enemies) from all your barnyard friends: cows, goats, chickens, horsies, turkeys.
Just last month, someone sent United States Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin a box of organic horse dung for Dungsmas. The sender, Robert Strong, packaged everything by himself, though, and apparently, it looked pretty suspicious—the LA bomb squad was on the scene.
Strong really should have brought on the professionals from IPoopYou.com.
4) Glitter Bomb
You know, that empty box prank might bring on an existential crises. If you’re dealing with someone fragile, maybe you should hit them with a glitter bomb instead. When they open that anonymous tube, they’ll get blasted with several ounces of glitter. They’ll be fabulously pissed, but they won’t fall into the deep abyss of depression. Glitter never makes anyone question the point of their existence.
What’s the best anonymous mail-order prank? Well, that’s easy: It’s a chocolate cock. DickAtYourDoor.com anonymous mail-order dongs check all the most critical prank boxes: It’s a cock, it’s dessert, it’s a mystery. It’s the perfect prank. Ship that dick today.