Fulfilled by our friends at The Bullish Store
Let someone you love know you're thinking about them by sending this greeting card that reads "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASSHOLE."
Inside reads: That's All.
- Material: 12pt, Recycled 100# Cardstock, Soy Ink
- Size: 5"W x 7"H
- Comes in a teal envelope
- Minimalist white card can be decorated if desired
By Santa Barbara Design Studio
We typically ship items within 1-3 business days. Items are not guaranteed to be delivered within a certain timeframe, as many carriers are experiencing delays due to covid-19. If you are experiencing any delays, contact the shipping carrier for more information.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Are these truly anonymous?
A: Of course. We ship everything with complete discretion. The box has a gift company as the sender and won’t give your information out, unless you do something illegal (don’t do that) or involved in a legal lawsuit (sexual harassment, stalking, etc) and we are required by law. If you’d like the recipient to know who sent the dick, include a customized message and write whatever you’d like.
Q: Is my Phone number or any other information on the package?
A: No, we don't include any customer information on or inside the package. Your phone number, email and billing details are just used to process the payment and track your order.
Q: Is the billing discreet? What shows up on my credit card statement?
A: The picture below is our public information for billing:
Q: Is this chocolate edible?
A: Sure is. Each ding dong is hand crafted with care by a certified chocolatier. **Orders on or after 5/1/20 are made with milk chocolate.
Q: How big is it?
A: Our anonymous chocolate dick gag gifts are as real as it gets. Coming right up to the American average penis size of about 5″ in length and completely solid to prevent breaking.
Q: When will my item ship?
A: Since all our chocolate is made fresh, orders are typically shipped within 2-3 business days. The processing time is in addition to the shipping option you choose. Please be aware that during busy times like holidays, processing may take a little longer than 3 business days.
Q: Have you ever had a problem with melting?
A: We have tested these chocolates in warm conditions and they went unmelted, but we’ve also had reports in mild climates where they were left on the doorstep in the sun and did melt. If you are concerned about the possibility of melting we offer insulated shipping boxes with Cold Gel Packs for a little extra.
Q: How do I know my target received the package (pun intended)?
A: Each package is tagged and easily tracked online through our shipment tracking service. Once it leaves our warehouse, you will receive that tracking number so you can check on live updates as the package reaches it’s target.
Q: Do you offer holiday/Christmas themed products?
A: Yes! Keep your eyes out for our Holiday Collections coming soon! For other holidays, we usually release products 3-4 weeks before the holiday.
A: Because what is better than sending an anonymous chocolate dick to someone in the mail? There is something really special about knowing you have given something confusing with no hope of figuring out who the culprit is. That’s a special kind of torture.