Mmm Mmm Maple

Serve Meat On Meat With the Mmm Mmm Maple Cockuterie Board

You ever looked at a regular charcuterie board and thought, “Yeah, this is nice, but what it’s really missing is a giant wooden dick”? Well, dreams do come true. Meet the Mmm Mmm Maple Cockuterie Board - the penis-shaped charcuterie board that turns any boring cheese platter into a phallic masterpiece.

👉 Stop bringing basic-ass snacks to parties. Show up with a cockuterie board stacked with salami, cheddar, and maybe some nuts (literally) and watch the entire room lose its shit.

Why This Is the Only Snack Board That Matters

Let’s be real. Nobody cares about your Pinterest-perfect cheese spread on some $12 Target cutting board. But walk in with a maple wood cockcuterie board? Boom. You just became the legend of the night.

This thing isn’t just a novelty. It’s handcrafted from durable maple wood, built to actually hold weight, and designed for one job: making your snack game unforgettable. A penis-shaped charcuterie board isn’t just funny. It’s a conversation starter. It’s ice-breaking fuel. It’s your ticket to being the funniest, most creative person at the party.

Picture the Scene

It’s your buddy’s bachelor party. Shots are lined up, music’s blasting, everyone’s half-drunk and hungry. You walk in late with a tray covered in foil. You peel it back. Boom. A cockuterie board loaded with prosciutto, cubes of sharp cheddar, grapes, and crackers stacked like a shaft. The room erupts. Cameras come out. Someone yells, “This is the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

Or maybe it’s a bachelorette. The bride-to-be is already wearing a tiara with penises bouncing on springs. She thinks she’s seen it all - then you roll out the dick-shaped charcuterie board. Game over. You win.

What Makes the Cockuterie Board So Damn Good

• Premium Maple Wood - strong, durable, and polished to look classy while still being ridiculous
• Perfectly Shaped - yes, it’s a penis. And yes, it’s obvious.
• Functional AF - actually holds meats, cheeses, fruit, and snacks without being flimsy
• Reusable - clean it, reuse it, and keep it forever as a reminder of your chaotic genius
• Discreet Shipping - comes in plain packaging so your neighbors don’t judge your snack choices

Who Needs This?

• Bachelor parties - because one more round of Fireball isn’t funny, but meat on a dick-shaped board is
• Bachelorette parties - the bride wanted “classy but fun” and you delivered… kind of
• Pride parties - nothing screams celebration like a cock board covered in rainbow snacks
• Birthday roasts - give the birthday guy or girl a serving platter they’ll never forget
• Gender reveal pranks - because balloons are boring but cheese on a penis is timeless
• Any excuse for chaos - do you really need one?

Don’t Be Boring. Bring the Dick.

You can show up empty-handed like a chump. You can bring some basic-ass chips and salsa. Or you can be the guy or girl who walks in with a maple wood cockuterie board loaded with snacks and instantly becomes a legend.

👉 Stop thinking about it. Click Add to Cart right now. Your next party is begging for a dick-shaped snack tray.

IMPORTANT: Make sure you put the recipient’s name and address in the shipping option. Otherwise it’s you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly.

**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**

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