David Penis Shorts
Free Express Shipping on all orders over 30.00
100% Anonymous
and 100% Hilarious
Over 5000+ 5-star reviews since 2017
Description
Michelangelo didn’t sculpt these thighs. But he could’ve. 🍆🗿
Slip into a pair of shorts so boldly hung, even the Renaissance would blush. The David Penis Shorts are an absolute masterpiece in bad taste—and we mean that in the best possible way.
Printed with the lower half of that statue (yes, that one), these absurdly realistic shorts feature one iconic, stone-cold donger dangling front and center. Perfect for pool parties, gym days, or emotionally scarring your roommates.
Highlights:
-
Breathable, stretchy fabric (room for your real junk + his)
-
Highly detailed print—uncomfortably so
-
Guaranteed double-takes and/or therapy bills
Great for:
-
Gag gifts with balls
-
Bachelor parties & bad decisions
-
People who peaked in art history class
Throw ‘em on. Let David hang out.
And remember: fashion fades—but this bulge is eternal.
🇮🇹 Italian Flag David Shorts
Wrap your junk in national pride. The Italian flag hugs David’s little Roman Empire like a marble masterpiece. Perfect for pasta lovers and public indecency.
🟤 Beige David Shorts
Subtle, skin-toned, and wildly disturbing. These realistic shorts make it look like you are the statue—if the statue drank light beer and had WiFi.
🇮🇹 Goliath Italian Flag Shorts
David, but bigger. Way bigger. These shorts crank the print size (and the dong) to Goliath proportions. Same flag, more hang time. You're welcome/I’m sorry.
🍆 Goliath David Shorts
No distractions—just an absurdly large, full-color David donger stretched across your thighs like a renaissance billboard. It’s art. It’s trauma. It’s glorious.
Unisex - "One Size Fits All"
YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
IS THIS CHOCOLATE EDIBLE?
Sure is! Each ding Dong is hand crafted with care by a certified chocolatier. 100% vegan and they’re absolutely delicious.
SO... HOW BIG IS IT?
This chocoalte turd packs a bunch at 4OZ or lumpy, vegan chocolate goodness. Fake poop is the funniest when given anonymously.
WHEN WILL MY ITEM SHIP?
Since all our chocolate is made fresh, orders are typically shipped within 2-3 business days. The processing time is in addition to the shipping option you choose. Please be Aware that during busy times like holidays, processing May take a little longer than 3 business days.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A PROBLEM WITH MELTING?
We have tested these chocolates in warm conditions and they went unmelted, but we’ve also had reports in mild climates where they were left on the doorstep in the Sun and did melt. If you are concerned about the possibility of melting we offer insulated shipping boxes with cold gel packs for a little extra.
HOW DO I KNOW MY TARGET RECEIVED THE PACKAGE (PUN INTENDED)?
Each package is tagged and easily tracked online through our shipment tracking service. Once it leaves our warehouse, you Will receive that tracking number so you can check on live updates as the package reaches it’s Target.
WHY?
Because what is better than sending an anonymous chocolate Dick to someone in the mail? There is something really special about knowing you have given something confusing with no hope of figuring out who the culprit is. That’s a special kind of torture.
This product has no reviews yet.
