Hap-penis Card

The Hap-penis Card – Because Love Deserves a Dick Punchline

You know what’s better than sending someone a boring Hallmark card with sappy words they’ll forget in 30 seconds? Sending them a card that says, loud and proud, “Wishing You Love and Hap-penis” and then slaps them in the face with a literal 3D dick when they open it. That’s the Hap-penis Card – the greeting card that turns every occasion into a jaw-dropping, laugh-out-loud, “did this card just grow a dick?” moment.

Forget hearts and flowers. This is equal parts romance and roast. A card that proves you care… just enough to make sure they’re laughing too hard to cry.

👉 Stop being sentimental. Send a Hap-penis Card and guarantee the only thing stiff this Valentine’s, birthday, or anniversary isn’t just their drink.

Why You Actually Want This Card

Normal cards suck. Nobody saves them, nobody frames them, nobody remembers them. But the Hap-penis Card? This is the kind of thing people whip out months later at a party just to prove it’s real.

• Perfect for Valentine’s Day when you want to say “I love you” without losing your street cred.
• Perfect for birthdays when you want to roast your buddy and remind them their love life is as limp as the balloons.
• Perfect for anniversaries because nothing says “romance” like a surprise erection in cardboard form.

Bottom line: this card keeps giving long after it’s opened – because nobody forgets the day they got a 3D penis folded neatly into cardstock.

What Makes the Hap-penis Card Different

• 3D Pop-Up Penis Inside – The star of the show. Open it up and bam – a little pecker pops out to deliver your message in the most unforgettable way.
• Front Reads “Wishing You Love and Hap-penis” – Equal parts wholesome and wildly inappropriate.
• Premium 14 pt Cardstock – Because even dick jokes deserve quality paper.
• Cellophane Wrapped with Envelope – Classy packaging for a very unclassy surprise.
• Shipped 100% Anonymously – They’ll never know it was you… unless you’re too proud not to tell them.

Real Reviews from Real Degenerates

One guy sent it to his girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. She laughed so hard she spit wine everywhere, then taped the dick to their fridge. Another customer said it was the best birthday card they ever gave – their buddy got roasted, the whole party howled, and everyone agreed it beat socks, gift cards, and every other lame present combined.

That’s the Hap-penis effect. It doesn’t just deliver a joke – it creates a story.

Why Hesitate?

Look, you can either walk into Walgreens, spend five bucks on a glitter-covered card that looks like every other one, scribble “love you babe” inside, and call it a day…

Or, you can unleash a 3D dick that transforms their special occasion into comedy gold.

One is forgettable. The other is legendary.

👉 Don’t send love. Send Hap-penis. Click buy now and guarantee your card is the one they’ll never, ever forget.

IMPORTANT: Make sure you put the recipient's name and address in the shipping option. Otherwise it’s you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly.

**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**

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