Happy Birthday – Now Eat A Dick 🍫🍆

Forget the boring cake. Forget the sad “Happy Birthday” song your family mumbles through. If you really want to give someone a birthday gift they’ll never forget, send them a solid chocolate dick and tell them exactly what you think: Happy Birthday – now eat a dick.

This isn’t a lame gag you find in the clearance bin. This is 5.5 inches of premium milk chocolate, handcrafted in Southern California from ethically sourced cacao, molded into a perfect penis, and boxed up in a cheeky Happy Birthday package. It’s delicious, it’s ridiculous, and it’s the best way to make sure the birthday boy or girl laughs, blushes, and maybe even takes a bite.

👉 Stop sending predictable birthday cards. Send a dick instead.

Why This Birthday Dick Is Better Than Any Other Gift

Because it’s funny, it’s edible, and it’s unforgettable. Balloons pop. Flowers wilt. But a chocolate cock? That’s a story. Imagine your friend tearing into a package, expecting socks or maybe something thoughtful… only to find a milk chocolate penis staring back at them. Boom. You win birthdays forever.

This isn’t just about trolling. The chocolate actually tastes amazing. It’s smooth, rich, creamy, and way better than whatever waxy chocolate bar you’ll find at the grocery store checkout. The joke lands, the laughter rolls, and then everyone gets to snack on sweet, ethically sourced chocolate. Everyone wins.

How To Use A Chocolate Dick The Right Way

There are about a million ways to drop this dick into someone’s life, but here are the top hits:

• Birthday prank - Replace the boring card with a dick box and watch the party erupt.

• Office gag gift - Skip the Starbucks gift card and give the one thing HR definitely doesn’t approve of.

• Bachelorette party laugh - Because no party is complete without dick-shaped something.

• Revenge gift - Got beef with someone? This is the funniest way to say “eat a dick” without lifting a finger.

• Anonymous surprise - Ship it to their doorstep and let the mystery live on.

The Birthday Dick Details

• Size: Solid 5.5-inch chocolate dick - girthy, detailed, and hilarious.

• Flavor: Rich milk chocolate made from ethically sourced cacao beans.

• Made in SoCal: Hand-ground and crafted in Southern California for premium quality.

• Packaging: Comes in a custom Happy Birthday gift box that makes the reveal even sweeter (and dirtier).

• Delivery: Shipped 100% anonymously - your secret’s safe, you sick genius.

Real Stories, Real Laughs

One customer swapped his brother’s birthday cake topper for this chocolate dick. The whole family lost it. Another sent it anonymously to her ex - he texted her five minutes later, “WTF, you’re insane,” followed by a picture of the half-eaten dick. Proof that revenge is best served chocolate.

It’s not just a prank - it’s an experience. The laughter, the surprise, the pictures they’ll send their group chats - all because you had the balls (literally) to send this gift.

Don’t Settle For Boring Birthdays

Be honest: no one remembers gift cards, candles, or Amazon basics. But the guy who sent a chocolate cock? He’s a legend. So why not be unforgettable this year? Whether it’s your best friend, your partner, or someone who just really deserves to be told to “eat a dick,” this is the way to make it happen.

👉 Click Add to Cart and secure your spot as the funniest gift-giver alive. Because birthdays are temporary, but chocolate dicks are forever.

IMPORTANT: Make sure you put the recipient's name and address in the shipping option. Otherwise it’s you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly.

**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**

*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*