Merry Christmas Scratch Off - Eat a Bag of Dicks!
The Only Christmas Card Worth Scratching
Let’s be honest: Christmas cards suck. You open one, it says “Wishing you peace and joy this holiday season,” and then you pretend to care while quietly judging Aunt Karen’s cursive handwriting. But what if, instead of boring holiday fluff, you scratched off the card and it revealed the greatest Christmas message of all time: Eat a Bag of Dicks!
Yeah, now we’re talking. The Merry Christmas Scratch Off - Eat a Bag of Dicks! card is how you win the holidays. It looks wholesome on the outside, but under that shiny scratch panel is pure chaos, ready to detonate a family dinner or spice up your Secret Santa like never before.
👉 Don’t send another boring-ass Hallmark. Order this scratch-off card today and give someone the gift of laughter, shock, and a sack full of dick jokes.
Why This Scratch Off Is the Best Christmas Card Ever
Because it’s funny, it’s unexpected, and it works on literally anyone who needs a laugh. Think about it: everyone gets the same cookie-cutter greeting cards, but this one comes with a built-in game and a big middle finger hiding underneath.
You’re not just giving a Christmas card - you’re giving an experience. They scratch it, they gasp, and then they laugh so hard eggnog shoots out their nose.
How It Plays Out
Imagine it’s Secret Santa night. Everyone’s opening their gifts. Karen gets a candle. Steve gets some lame socks. And then your friend scratches their card, reveals “Eat a Bag of Dicks!” in festive lettering, and the room loses its shit.
Grandma might faint. Uncle Bob might finally shut up. And you? You’re the holiday legend. That’s the kind of Christmas memory you don’t get from another box of chocolates.
What’s Inside the Chaos
- Premium Christmas-themed cardstock with a festive front
- Scratch-off panel that hides the cheekiest holiday reveal ever
- Envelope included so you can slide it under the tree with style
- Shipped 100% anonymously so no one can trace the madness back to you
It’s simple, it’s brutal, and it’s hilarious. This card is proof that the best holiday gifts come in small, rude packages.
Perfect Use Cases
- Christmas prank. Because Santa’s not the only one delivering surprises.
- Secret Santa gag. Finally a gift worth stealing in the swap.
- Office holiday roast. Watch HR sweat bullets when someone scratches this bad boy.
- Family dinner chaos. Perfect if you’re the black sheep who likes to stir the pot.
- Revenge gift. For the cousin who “forgot” to buy you one last year.
- Anonymous surprise. Nothing like mystery mail that tells you to eat a bag of dicks.
Make This Christmas Legendary
The truth is, holiday cards are forgettable. Nobody remembers who sent the “Season’s Greetings” card. But everyone will remember the one that made them scratch, laugh, and scream “What the actual fuck?” That’s the power of this card.
👉 Don’t wait. Order your Merry Christmas Scratch Off - Eat a Bag of Dicks! today. It’s the holiday gift that says “I care” and “go choke on candy canes” all at once.
IMPORTANT: Make sure you put the recipient's name and address in the shipping option. Otherwise it’s you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly.
**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**
*By ordering you are agreeing to the Terms of Service and Privacy Policy found at the checkout page and page footer*
YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
IS THIS CHOCOLATE EDIBLE?
Sure is! Each ding Dong is hand crafted with care by a certified chocolatier. 100% vegan and they’re absolutely delicious.
SO... HOW BIG IS IT?
This chocoalte turd packs a bunch at 4OZ or lumpy, vegan chocolate goodness. Fake poop is the funniest when given anonymously.
WHEN WILL MY ITEM SHIP?
Since all our chocolate is made fresh, orders are typically shipped within 2-3 business days. The processing time is in addition to the shipping option you choose. Please be Aware that during busy times like holidays, processing May take a little longer than 3 business days.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A PROBLEM WITH MELTING?
We have tested these chocolates in warm conditions and they went unmelted, but we’ve also had reports in mild climates where they were left on the doorstep in the Sun and did melt. If you are concerned about the possibility of melting we offer insulated shipping boxes with cold gel packs for a little extra.
HOW DO I KNOW MY TARGET RECEIVED THE PACKAGE (PUN INTENDED)?
Each package is tagged and easily tracked online through our shipment tracking service. Once it leaves our warehouse, you Will receive that tracking number so you can check on live updates as the package reaches it’s Target.
WHY?
Because what is better than sending an anonymous chocolate Dick to someone in the mail? There is something really special about knowing you have given something confusing with no hope of figuring out who the culprit is. That’s a special kind of torture.
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