Lost Love, a Loser, and a Lack of Capital

Growing up in Iowa, there wasn't much to do.  In a town of 7000 people, a kid has to rely on his or her imagination to pass the lazy summer days. 

When I wasn't swimming in the river or doing sick bunny hops on my Haro, I played a lot of make believe (I am an only child, lay off).  Many of the times, I was the crafty bank robber who took what he needed and gave the rest to the poor.  A modern day Robin Hood, if you please.  

Today's Dick of the Week is not that person.  

According to ABC Texas, a man has been arrested after his fiancée saw a social media post of him robbing a bank the day before his wedding so he could pay for the ring and the venue of his ceremony.

Heath Edward Bumpous (pronounced "Bump-us".  Ha) from Crockett, Texas was charged with aggravated robbery and booked into the Trinity County Jail for allegedly approaching a bank teller at Citizens State Bank in Groveton, Texas, informing them that he had a weapon and then demanding money which he was then subsequently given, according to ABC's affiliate station in Tyler, Texas KLTV.

“He basically stated that he was getting married tomorrow so he didn’t have enough money for a wedding ring that he wanted to buy and he needed to pay for the wedding venue,” Sheriff Woody Wallace said.

After receiving news of the robbery, Wallace immediately posted pictures of the suspect on the Trinity County Sherriff’s Facebook page in hopes that the public would be able to provide tips that would lead to the capture of the suspect.

It was then that Bumpous’ fiancée saw the Facebook post and recognized him.

“His fiancée, who he was supposed to marry the very next day, was able to get in touch with him on the phone when she saw our post on Facebook. She knew it was him. She contacted him and asked him if he robbed a bank. She convinced him that she knew it was him. His picture was all over Facebook. He needed to turn himself in,” said Wallace in a video posted to his Facebook page.

Bumpous (heh..that name) took his fiancée’s advice to heart and decided to turn himself into the Houston County Courthouse and confessed to his crimes.

Wallace says that most of the money was recovered along with clothes that he threw out of the window of his vehicle during his escape and the gun that he had concealed with him as well.

“He is now in custody. He has been charged with aggravated robbery. The district attorney has accepted the charges. It will go to a grand jury and he will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law,” said Sherriff Wallace.

Good lord.  What a poor dummy.

As meatloaf once said.  "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that".  Stay in school kids.  And for the love of god, if you're going to get married, make sure you can afford the damn thing.

Hugs and Kisses,

Mr. Tater