Dick of the Week: Billy Bryan and Beatdown Bandits

Ahhh, Florida.  The epicenter of everything we want to forget.  The taint of the states and the armpit of America.  God's waiting room. 

I once had someone tell me how she ended up in Florida,

"I told myself I would throw a dart at the map and move to wherever the dart landed.  I threw the dart and it landed in the trash.  Here I am..."

And here we are in New Port Richey, Florida.  A little suburb of Tampa Bay.  For those who are unaware of Tampa, here you can find the worst baseball stadium in MLB (Tropicana Field), get weird at Busch Gardens (actually legit), and a Big Ass Bridge people like to jump off of.

But I digress...

Billy, of course he is a 50-something still being called Billy, got himself into a little bit of trouble of the holiday weekend when he threw a turkey sandwich at his partner.  Yup.  This dick hole decided to ruin a perfectly good oven roasted and cheese by throwing it at a woman's face. 

According to reports, the couple were arguing when it escalated and turned physical. The man picked up his sandwich and threw it at the woman. According to the victim, the sandwich hit the woman on the face near her eye. 

The arrest report states the woman told deputies she was in an argument with Bryant that escalated. She told deputies Bryant grabbed her by the head and pushed it into a car.

Deputies say Bryant also pinched the woman’s neck, causing an abrasion.

Billy Bryant was arrested and is charged with two counts of domestic battery.

Domestic abuse never a laughing matter.  It's a serious thing that many people deal with.  However, I'd be willing to bet the woman who was, "pinched, had a sandwich thrown at her, and was shoved into a car" could whoop this little bitch, Billy in about 10.2 seconds.

Billy, I charge thee with one count of DICK OF THE WEEK for pinching someone as an adult, assaulting a woman, and ruining a perfectly good turkey sandwich.

Eat a Dick Billy.  Eat a Dick.

Until Next Wang Wednesday,

Sincerely,

Dick Tater