Be Mine – Eat A Dick Card

The Sweetest Way to Tell Someone to Go F*** Themselves

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about romance, roses, and chocolate hearts, right? Screw that. Sometimes you don’t want to whisper “I love you” – you want to scream “Eat a Dick” and do it with style. That’s exactly what the Be Mine – Eat A Dick Card delivers.

This isn’t your average cutesy Hallmark special. This is a 4.25 x 5.5 inch folded Valentine’s card that looks sweet and innocent on the outside, with a bold “Be Mine” on the cover. But the second they open it, they’re slapped in the face with the most honest Valentine’s message ever printed: Eat a Dick.

👉 Don’t be boring. Order this now and give a Valentine’s gift they’ll never forget (and probably never forgive).

Why This is the Only Valentine’s Card Worth Sending

Let’s face it - chocolates get eaten, flowers die in three days, and teddy bears end up shoved in the closet. But a card that literally tells someone to eat a dick? That’s immortal. It’s the kind of gift that makes them laugh, cry, or question all their life choices.

This isn’t just about being funny. It’s about sending the kind of Valentine’s card that people will tell stories about years later. Perfect for lovers who can take a joke, exes who need a reminder, or friends who deserve a roast.

• Hilarious as hell – no one sees that punchline coming.

• Premium quality – printed on 14 pt double-sided cardstock so the insult feels fancy.

• Perfectly packaged – comes cellophane-wrapped with a white envelope for that “sweet but savage” vibe.

• 100% anonymous shipping – so you can send it without consequences (unless you want credit).

• Fits any mood – gag gift, breakup burn, or just spicing up Valentine’s Day.

A Story That Writes Itself

Picture this: your ex gets home, sees a romantic little envelope on the counter, and thinks maybe you’ve finally come crawling back. They open it slowly, already imagining some half-assed apology. But nope. The inside just screams, Eat a Dick. Instant emotional whiplash. They laugh, they fume, they maybe eat some ice cream… but they’ll never forget it.

Or imagine slipping this card to your partner at dinner. They open it, crack up so hard the server stares, and suddenly your Valentine’s Day is officially the most memorable one yet. That’s the power of going bold.

What’s Inside the Card

• 4.25 x 5.5 inch folded greeting card – compact but brutal.

• “Be Mine” cover design – sweet, innocent, sneaky.

• Inside message: Eat a Dick – simple, savage, unforgettable.

• Premium cardstock – 14 pt, double-sided, feels legit in the hand.

• White envelope + cellophane wrap – because even insults deserve nice packaging.

• Anonymous shipping – so nobody knows who sent the burn.

This isn’t just a card. It’s a weaponized Valentine’s gag that hits harder than any box of chocolate.

Don’t Just Say Be Mine. Say Eat a Dick.

If you want to be cute, go to CVS. If you want to be legendary, this is the card you send. The Be Mine – Eat A Dick Card turns Valentine’s Day into a roast session wrapped in cardstock. And honestly? That’s way more fun than chocolates and flowers.

👉 Smash that order button now and send the Valentine’s card that actually means something.

IMPORTANT: Make sure you put the recipient's name and address in the shipping option. Otherwise it's you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly.

**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**

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